You And I
by blondenhot
Summary: It's a Jommy. What else can I say? R&R! LUV!
1. Pathetically Counting

**_Chapter 1: Pathetically Counting_**

**_By: Blondenhot_**

**_Ok here's something new from me! Read and Review! LUV!_**

**_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_**

13 days, 1 hour, 7 minutes. Pathetically, I had been counting the days, the hours, the minutes since he left. It seemed like an eternity ago that he had left me standing there, crying in the rain.

But really it had only been 13 days, 1 hour, and 8 minutes.

The days had passed hesitantly, dragging on endlessly with the occasional visitor. Kwest, Jamie, Speed. Sadie had been my angel lately; not only had she been my shoulder to cry on since Mom's gone, she had been my supplier of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and the thousand tissues I had used. If I ran out of anything, she went and re-supplied for me—making it where I felt like Mom was here even though she wasn't. She had been a complete Godsend. I owe her big time.

These last couple of days had been difficult. I had no inspiration. Nothing. I hadn't even been able to write down lyrics that were worth something. All I had were a bunch of no shit lyrics, that were cold and had no substance to them. I hadn't even been to the studio in a week. After those first couple of days without him…I just couldn't do it anymore.

Tomorrow, I'll get up early and go down there. I'll put on a fake smile and hope no one can see through it. I'll make small talk with SME and Kwest. Sadie and I will go to lunch and I'll probably cry a little and then I'll head back to work and twiddle my thumbs until I can come up with something good, fresh. I'll sit and play and wait on some good lyrics to come to me. Story of my life.

Literally.

I looked out my open window blinds, watching as the headlights flashed in front of my window and slowly moved on. I stood and looked out the window sill, waiting for something to catch my attention.

Little Carly Faughn was sneaking out across the street. I guess she wasn't really little anymore—she will turn 15 in July. She was dressed up really nicely, as if she was headed somewhere important. Her auburn color hair was curled neatly and fastened in the back with a pretty baratte. She was dressed in a cereluan blue polo shirt from Hollister (her family had gone on vacation there recently) and a light washed jean miniskirt. Her shoes were to die for—a pair of t strap Kors Michael Kors from Nordstrom.

I watched as the pair of headlights belonged to a oy ina new white mustang gt convertible. Carly smiled widely at him and I was happy for her. Just because I was such a stick in the mud doesn't mean other people can't have fun. A few minutes later, I still stared down the lifeless street. How I would kill to see a certain blue viper pull into my driveway one more time.

To see a strapping man run and beat on my door, begging my forgiveness for leaving and hoping if I would ever love him again…

I'm such a goober.

The Next Day

After a hard night's sleep, I finally made my way to the studio. Kwest was waiting for me, ready to begin another wortheless day at the 'office'.

"Hey Kwest." I said in a monotone-ish voice. It had become my regular voice now…ever since he had left…he took everything with him. My heart, my inspiration, my voice.

"Jude! How are you doin?" he asked me using a weird tone. Something was up….

"Um, good. And you?" I asked, becoming suspicious. Something was up with him this morning….

"I'm doin good….can't wait to get to work!" Ok, I don't know if he's high or just hasn't had his coffee but this is not the regular Kwest.

"Ok…." I told him running into the sound booth, ready to attempt a warm up. We ran through a couple of my older songs, trying to get my voice warmed up to what it used to be. I guess he hoped hearing my old songs would help wake me up….all they did was remeind me who they were about. We did 'Your Eyes' and 'Time To Be Your 21' and 'Skin.' Even though, Skin wasn't written about Tommy, it still hurt to sing it. Although I have forgiven my dad, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget the picture of him and Yvette on the couch….I shuddered at that thought. That was one thing I could have lived without seeing. But when it came to 'Time To Be Your 21' and 'Your Eyes' I just didn't think I could handle it. But I toughned up the best I could and tried to control my tears. Kwest watched from the control room with concerned and worried eyes.

I made it through those songs and a couple others. Finally we finished and Kwest and I went for our morning coffee down the street. I truly believe that God created Starbucks—everything in there is heavenly. I ordered a Carmel Macchaito with extra carmel and extra whipped cream. Kwest ordered his usual—black coffee woth no creamer or anything.

I would choke.

We slowly walked back to the studio. Kwest was still acting weird…as if something was biting him inside. When we got back to G Major, Darius walked in with the mail. It had come especially early this morning. When he laid eyes on me he stopped and smiled.

"Jude! You have some mail!" he said, extra cheery. Must have had fun last night….hope it was with Georgia.

"Ok…thanks." He handed me a small white envelope that strangely and no return address. JUDE was written in blocky handwriting. I'd know that handwriting anywhere.

It was from Tommy.

**_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_**

**_Hey guys! It's Blondenhot…here's a new one! I'm going to a camp next Wednesday with the team so I don't know when I'll update but I promise I'll get around to it sometime….if You like it. So let me know! Read and Review, that's my way! LUV!_**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

By: Blondenhot

Tom's POV:

_Dear Jude,_

_It's been almost 12 days since I saw you last. 11 days 17 hours and 54 minutes ago to be exact. Girl I know it's not enough, But I'm sorry. Really, sorry doesn't even cover the deep pain I feel for hurting you like I know I did. I don't know when I'll be back...maybe next week, maybe in a year. My little sister is dying. She has breast cancer Jude. And when she goes she is leaving behind a little girl, Sloane,  
who turns three in August. I can't leave her...not now or ever. When I come back, she'll be with me. Things have changed so much in almost half of a month...I have changed so much in half of a month. Please write me back, girl. I need to know that on day you'll be able to forgive me._

_Tommy_

I stared at the letter, looking over it to make sure I had said everything that needed to be said in one letter.

"Tom-me!" Sloane screamed giddily, bouncing over to me and into my lap as I shuffled to stuff the letter behind my back to guard it from prying hands.

"Sloane!" I yelled back, with a smile as I tugged at her brown curls, watching as they would straighten with a tug and then curl straight back up as soon as I let go of them.

"Guess what! Gramma's taking me to Wal- Mart this afternoon!" she hollered ecstatically. Wal-Mart was a nation wide grocery stoer chainSloane was in love with it. It was like an angel to her. She loved Wal-Mart almost as much as I loved Ju-

"That's great, Sloane! Are ya'll going there to buy groceries...or shop?" I said lowering my voice dramatically.

"Well, duh Uncle Tom! Both!" she said rolling her eyes at me. Obviously she had been watching Shelbey for too long.

Shelbey was only two years younger than me. Still she was everything I wasn't. She had long blond hair, bright green eyes. She was a dancer and had danced from the time she was four until she found out she was pregnant with Sloane at 18 almost 19. Even though Sloane's jackass of a father hadn't had the nerve to stick around, Shelbey ignored our parents wishes and kept the baby. She raised Sloane with help from my parents and never complained once. She knew as soon as the pregnancy test turned positive that it was wrong to walk away from something you love.

Or in my case, drive away.

Jude's POV:

I tore open the envelope greedily, tearing open the crisp white envelope. I couldn't open it fast enough. I couldn't figure if it was a good thing or bad thing. I finally got it to open and I hungrilly started to read. My eyes burned wih tears when I got no further than the first line. I scanned the page over and over again quickly memorixing each word. He always does this to me...turns me into some dip stick that cries over everything. I hate being that girl. He can do it to me with a look, a touch, a kiss, a stroke of a pen...

I finished scanning over the page once, twice. A rough cough escaped into the now awkward air. I looked up realizing for the first time that Sadie, Kwest, and Darius were huddled around me. They were looking at me with those sympathetic puppy eyes; Sadie's wet with tears for her younger sister. Kwest avoided eye contact with me-looking around anxiously trying to find something to look at other than me. Darius just kind of stood there, looking at me expectantly as if he was waiting to see my reaction to finding out something tragic had happened instead of like I had gotten a letter from Tommy Q.

Thankfully Sadie drug me away from there throwing " We need more coffee" as our excuse over her shoulder. I willingly followed her into the hot morning air.

When we finally made it to her car, I couldn't handle it anymore. The sudden, unexpected news hit me like a ton of brick sliding down a water slide on top of me, causing me to lose my balance and grip onto the car for dear life.

Sadie made her way over to me, pulling me against her and encasing me in a bear hug. I glanced over my shoulder and made eye contact with Kwest who was standing out the back entrance watching us intently.

"Shhh. It'll all be ok. One day soon he'll come back. He can't stay away from you for very long." Sadie Harrison prayed she was right.

Later at the Harrison Household

My hand shook as I attempted to grip the black BIC ink pen in my right hand. I stared at the piece of blank notebook paper that lay before me on my oak desk. I could think of a million things I wanted to say to him.

And a million things I didn't.

I pressed the point of the pen into the paper, trying to grasp just the right words to explain how I feel and yet not be too mean. I can't hurt him even if he hurt me. My hearts not that small.

_Tommy..._

(To be Continued)

Hey guys! Sorry that it's so short! I'll have another chapter up tomorrow! It's already written but I dont have time to type it! Let me know what you think About this chapter! R&R! LUV!


	3. You Found Me

ï»¿ 

Tommy's POV:

Rain was pouring softly down from the cloudy sky as I walked toward the mailbox in search for a reply to my letter from Jude. Lucky enough for me, it was there.

_Tommy..._

_I really don't know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I know that must be hard for you...and Sloane. God, I know she must be going through something terrible now herself. What a horrid thing to have to go through at almost three years old. No child should have to deal with that kind of pain...that kind of suffering. I understand you leaving for them and for those reasons. I'm not that unreasonable. But you should never have left me there like that Tom. It hurt me so bad to see you drive off like that. Nearly ripped me apart I was burning so bad from the pain. It wasn't right to do that to me. Eventually, I'll forgive you. It's hard to hold a grudge on you for long, Quincy. You know that. But eventually may be a long time coming. I need to know that you're worth my trust again...that you won't disappear like that again. Because unless you haven't heard, when you left, not only did you take my heart you took my music. And thats almost worse than you leaving at all._

_-Jude_

Tears stung my eyes, as I read over her words. My conciousness nagged at me, saying crap like "You're going soft Quincy" over and over in my head. Her heart, which had not so long ago been untouched territory had been broken by me more than once the first time being on her sweet sixteen...which turned out to be not so sweet after all. I remember that day like it was yesterday...the day I realized she was way more to me than my artist. The first day I acted on it.

(Flashback)

"You all say the nicest things. I'm so great, I'm so nice. But none of you want to date me! So you want to help me Tommy? Tell me what I'm doing wrong. Tell my why I'm so easy to give up and maybe I can fix it." she cried her voice weak and broken. It hurt me to have her asking me these things...pained me to the greatest exstint. I sputtered the next few words out to her.

"You're...asking...the wrong guy!" And when I couldn't take it anymore, The pressure of seeing her vulnerable and hurt cam down on me like a sack of potatoes and I kissed her. Hard and passionatly like my life depended on the way her lips fit into mine and the way they hungrily assaulted hers.

(End of Flashback)

Then a little while after I had told her to forget about it, I dated Sadie with the ridiculous notion that maybe just maybe if I could find somebody else who was pretty and somewhat like Jude, I could forget about her. It took me all of three days to figure out how wrong I was...and how hard it was to forget about her. Especially with her sister. Then she got all pissed at me for thinking that I had cheated on Sadie, even when I hadn't. That hadn't gone over so well. I got the cold shoulder icier from a girl than I had in a long time. I finally convinced her that it wasnt true and got to tell her a piece of the truth.

(Flashback)

"Sadie and I...we weren't right." I said, watching as her mouth formed the enevitable question that we both knew the answer to.

"Why?" she said, looking right at me, in a funny knowing way. But here we were in the moment of truth, and I couldn't figure out what to say. Typical, Quincy.

"You know exactly why." I told her watching as she bit her lip in the most adorable fashion. She looked guilty at the same time as she looked sort of like she had swallowed an apple.

"Yeah..." she said her blue eyes growing to a bigger size and still avoiding me.

(End of Flashback)

It wasn't until the day after I had left her there that I had finally admitted to myself what I felt for her. Only one word described it. Love. Plain, unadulterated love.

And I had no clue what to do about it.

Jude's POV:

The randomness of the whole situation bothered me-insulted and confused me beyond recognition. I couldn't believe only 18 days had passed since he left me there standing in the middle of the road for reasons unknown. Which was better. Now that I knew why he left I just hurt worse. But now my pain was two faced. It hurt that he left.

But I hurt worse for him. His lttle sister dying. It doesn't sound right, taste right. And little Sloane. What a poor thing! To be old enough to realize who your mom is and to begin to love her and need her and then to have her swept away from you to a better place...but a place where you can't see her everyday none-the-less. What a heartbreaking burden for one man-having a sying sister and a pretty much orphaned niece. I know Tommy's strong-after all he's my rock- but can he handle that package?

I knew I had to put up a little picket fence around my heart for a while-- until the pain heals just a little. Until then, I was going to remain vulnerable.

A couple of days ago, in the wee hours of the morning, as I lay broken and undone after writing back to him and mailing it, a feeling swept over me. It was as natural as breathing and felt completely right. The clean, happy go lucky feeling flushed over me. It was ready to be sang by me...it was ready to come out. And God, was it time.

_**"Is this a dream**_

_**If it is Please don't wake me from this high I'd become comfortably numb**_

_**Until you opened up my eyes To what it's like When everything's right**_

_**I can't believe**_

_**You found me**_

_**When no one else was looking**_

_**How did you know just where I would be Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion The ups and the downs**_

_**And you still didn't leave**_

_**I guess that you saw what nobody could see You found me**_

_**You found me**_

_**So there we were**_

_**And that's pretty far When you think of where we've been No going back, I'm fading out**_

_**All that has faded me within**_

_**You were by my side**_

_**Then, everything was fine**_

_**I can't believe**_

_**You found me When no one else was looking**_

_**How did you know just where I would be Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion**_

_**The ups and the downs**_

_**And you still didn't leave**_

_**I guess that you saw what nobody could see You found me You found me**_

_**And I was hiding Till you came along And showed me where I belong You found me When no one else was looking**_

_**How did you know, how did you know**_

_**You found me When no one else was looking**_

_**How did you know just where I would be **_

_**Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion **_

_**The ups and the downs **_

_**And then you decided you'd leave **_

_**I guess that you saw what nobody could see **_

_**You found me**_

_**You found me**_

_**(When no one else was lookin')**_

_**You found me**_

_**(How did you know just where I would be)**_

_**You broke through**_

_**All of my confusion**_

_**The ups and the downs**_

_**And then you decided you'd leave**_

_**I guess that you saw what nobody could see**_

_**The good and the bad**_

_**And the things in between You found me**_

_**You found me."**_

He really was my everything. Without him, my music was truly nothing, just a bunch of plain, good for nothing, lifeless lyrics. Before I knew him, before I won Instant star, I was ok. Good, maybe. But now with him, after I won Instant Star, I was so much better. I had evolved so much. Instant Star discovered me.

But Tommy found me.


	4. So Hard To Speak The Truth

So Hard To Speak the Truth

By:Blondenhot

Tom's POV:

Days passed slowly, excruciatingly, as I counted the minutes since I had seen her last. We visited Shelbey daily, each time scarred by her decenting appearance. Sloane was still oblivious to what was going on with her mother, her hero. Her biggest fan. She thought all of it was a game--as if we were playing candy land or something. Kids. They are so innocent, so naive.

But we all knew Shelbey was slipping away--and fast. Everytime we visited her, she was a little paler, a little skinnier, a little colder. It broke my heart more and more each time I witnessed her lying in that little tiny bed with all those wires and tubes attached to her.

What hurt me the most about all of it, was the fact that the last time I had spoken to her, we had fought. We had been talking about my future...I was twenty-one and I didn't want to hear my little sister telling me I needed to start settling down, start looking for the one person who would change my life forever. She had told me that it was time to start thinking about my future. To stop having little meaningless one night stands, and actually try to have a serious relationship with some one. That she wanted what was best for me-- I told her not to lecture me. I had my whole life to find someone... I didn't have to start looking for them right now. When she objected, I said the worst possible thing. I told her that after just one of her one night stands with a frickin asshole of a guy, she had another life to think about. Her daughter's.

I remember hearing her voice crack as she told me to go to hell, that her unborn daughter would be the best thing to ever happen to her. Shelbey was such a sweetie--she loved that baby the moment she found out she was pregnant with her. Her final remark was "Damn you, Tom Quincy." and then the phone was over come with a loud dial tone noise. I knew she had hung up on me, but I just stared at the reciever for five minutes, overcame with what had occured. I remember walking around pissed for two days, ranting and raving over my little sister. I was angery at her. She had told me she was pregnant the week before and I still hadn't gotten over it. I was so disappointed in her, for ruining her future that was going to be so bright and full. Little did I know, that she was completely and totally right. After Sloane was born, Shelbey was happier than anyone had ever seen her before. Or at least that'swhat they told me.She reminded me so much of Jude it terrified me.

I still hadn't written back to Jude. I couldn't muster up the confidence, the assurity to respond to her powerful letter. I was still shaking from it. I couldn't decide what to say...whether to push for forgiveness or to plead innocence. Things were going so slow these days...dragging by endlessly like a clock on the last day of school.

Eventually, I knew I would have to write back. It was wrong to leave the letter unresponded and to keep her wondering, to keep her waiting. But for now, I just couldn't do it. It wasn't in me--the power just wasn't there for now. I felt emotionally drained lately, like the strong half of me, the part Jude depended on, was back in Canada. Here in Montana, there was just a lonely white man who's sister was dying and leaving behind a three-year-old little girl.

Today, we were in the waiting room once again, slowly going in and out of her hospital room. She was even whiter this morning. Shelbey had always had fair skin, but this...this was an unnatural shade of white. It worried me--made me ask myself a question I had been avoiding. Was this the end?

After my little visit with her, I went in search of the doctor. I walked over to the nurse's station where a cute blonde was sitting, filling out some paperwork. I looked at her name tag.

"Hey...Bethany. I was wondering where Dr. Sanders is? I need to taslk to him." I said, watching as her head raised and her eyes grew wide with excitement at seeing Lil Tommy Q. at her desk. She shot me a flirty smile.

"Mr. Quincy! Why, I'm not sure where he is at the moment, but I can page him for you..." she said, her hazel eyes sparkling. I nodded slowly.

"That would be great." I told her as she picked up the white phone and her voice came out over the hospital speakers. She said his name and told him he was needed. Minutes later, the doctor was standing in front of me, shaking my hand like he always did when we saw each other. Which was quite frequently lately.

"Dr.Sanders. Shelbey...she looks worse than she ever has before. Tell me the truth. What's going on with my little sister? No lies. How bad is she?" I asked with finality and a "No bull shit" look encreased in my features. The doctor wringed his hands before beginning to answer me.

"Mr. Quincy, Shelbey's cancer has spread to her brain and her throat. She's not doing to great, as you can apparantly see. I was going to tell you and your family today, but since you came to me, I'll tell you now. Shelbey has another two or three days to live. At tops." He said as I felt my vision blur and my face pale. My head swam as I gripped onto the wall in hope to regain my balance.

"That's all? Two days?" I said grasping desperatly for air. It couldn't be...she couldn't be leaving us so quickly. She can't die on me so soon. I needed her...I hadn't even been able to tell her bout Jude yet.

"Two, possibly three. I'm not quite sure yet. But I am so sorry for your loss. Shelbey seems like a joy to be around, a real down to earth woman and great mother and sister." he said with a grave expression and I believed him because he was right. I still struggled to see though--my vision had yet to fully return to me.

"Thanks for being honest, Doc." I said, finally steady enoughto make it back to where the rest of my family was sitting, waiting. The doctor was behind me the whole time, preparing to tell my family. I entered Shelbey's room, as he told them the news that I already knew.

Sloane was sitting beside her mother, giggling at something she had said. I teared up at the sight. I took Shelbey's hand after I pulled up a chair . Sloane left the room to go comfort her grandmother who was crying hysterically in the lobby after hearing the fateful news.

"Tom!"Shelbey said, a smile still tugging at the corner of her pink lips. A hint of pain was evident in her voice, even though It was concealed well. I had always known Shelbey better than anyone--knew when she was suffering. She knew this was one of the last times she would get to say good bye to any of us. It hurt her as much as it hurt me--terrified us both beyond reasoning.

"Shelbs. I know the last time we talked, I said some pretty harsh and unneccasary things about Sloane and your condition. I was so wrong and as always, little Sis, you were right. You wanted what was best for me and I pushed you away--insulted you and hurt you in ways I never knew I was capable of. I met this girl about six weeks after we had that conversation. You've heard of her; Jude Harrison. And everytime I think of her, I think of you. You two remind me so much of each other it scary. You both are headstrong, beautiful. Stubborn." I said as I paused long enough to reach over and tousle her little bit of hair that was left. " It's completely crazy, Shelbs. She's this  
amazing woman--so young and pure. So much younger than me in more ways than one. It's so wrong yet I've never done a thing that's felt more right than the stuff I do when I'm with her or thinking about her." I paused once again, taking a gulp of crisp hospital air before continuing my confession. "When I heard what was going on here, I left her without an explanation. We were supposed to go on our first date ever...the first time we wouldn't care what the world thought of us being together. And I ditched her, leaving only a wimpy, and pathetic good bye for my reasoning. I drove off, with her standing in my dust, tears pouring down her cheeks as she stood in the middle of the road after begging me not to go, not to leave her. She was soaked to the bone, with the rain that was falling freely down from the cloudy sky--heartbroken. And then, a month ago, when I was stupid enough to believe I could salvage what we almost had, I sent her a sad excuse for an apoligy letter. I wasn't expecting the letter I got back. She told me she would forgive me...but that it would take a while. I haven't even written her back yet. I can't think of any charming way to get her to not hate me. Hell, right now, I hate myself. God knows, you have your problems and don't need to carry mine around on your shoulders, but yet hear I am, telling you anyways. What kind of man am I?" I said, my voice giving out on me. My sister layed one of her soft, pale hands over mine in a comforting way. Something Jude would have done.

"Oh, Tom. Have you told her how you feel yet, Loverboy?"she asked on a laugh. I'm glad SOMEONE found our complicated relationship funny. I hung my head in shame at the answer I had to voice out loud.

"Nope." I let out a bitter laugh." How's that for irony! I'm twenty-three years old and I can't even tell a girl how I feel. I've never felt this way--the overpowering strength I have when I'm around her blows me away. She does something to me, turns my world around with one heated look or a simple touch. And her being off limits just makes me want her even more. This feeling--it amazes and terrifies me out of my mind. I can't help it anymore--can't say this feeling isn't there. The girl gets under my skin and winds me up like a doll. She makes me want to be a better man...for both of our sakes. And she appreciates and understands music the way I do. I've never met someone like this before. It's exhilarating and horrifing at the same time." I said knowing all of it was true. It felt good to finally tell someone the truth about Jude and not an overexaggerated lie. I watched as my younger sister let out a pleasant laugh.

"It's love! God I have got to meet this girl!" She said, her green eyes twinkling with an amazing sparkle at my heartfelt outburst. I cradled my head in my hands as I felt tears sting and escape from my eyes as I realized there was no running from this feeling--and that she would never be able to meet her. I realized that this was it. Jude was the only person I would ever feel this way about. Ever.

"It's love...and I can't stop it. Trust me I've tried. She's just...It's like...have you ever had that one moment where everything is going right...where it feels as if your floating on a cloud relaxing and you don't have a doubt anywhere near your mind? You get a goofy grin on your face that's impossible to wipe off? That's how I feel when I'm with Jude--in her pressence I am someone completely different. Is that awful of me? Is this feeling, this amazingly wonderful feeling, terribly awful? Am I just crazy for loving her the way I do? Am I?" I asked her, bringing my head up and making eye contact with her. This had unnerved me-knocked me off my high stool and dropped me hard on the concrete. I felt sick.

"Oh Tom. So many men would kill to be you--to feel the way for their wifes or girlfriends as you do for Jude. So many women would die for a chance to be connected to a man for the rest of their lives that loved them so deeply and completely. Do you not see how lucky you are? And if this girl, Jude, if she feels anything close to what you feel for her, than you are set Tommy. You can make this happen...can work out the age difference and the fights. All you have to do, big brother, is tell the poor girl how you feel! She deserves that...needs to hear it from you. All girls want to find a real love...and from the sounds of it, she's one of the very lucky ones who did." She said as I felt myself tear up once again. HearShelbs is on her death bed and yet she still has time to give me the words I need to hear. That's a good sister and a wonderful person for ya. I don't care who you are.

I stayed there for a little longer before we all left, leaving Shelbey to suffer through one of her last nights in a stiff hospital bed. Little did I know, the next day, she wouldn't have to go through that anymore...her suffering would be through. She'd leave us all behind to go to a place where she could be in total bliss...where nothing would ever go wrong.

And I would be the last person she would talk to.

Hey guys! I am so sorry it's taken me so long! I'm planning a trip to go to New York...my favorite place in the world...and that's taken up most of my time! Do you think we can reach **_26_** reviews? Let me know what you think darlins, and click the review button please! LUV!


	5. Difficult to Say GoodBye

Difficult to say Goodbye

By:Blondenhot

The next morning started out as every other morning for the past two weeks had. We woke up early, around noon, and left to see Shelbey before we even had time to have a decent breakfast. We were tryting our hardest to savor our time with her--to have enough time to tell her how much we loved her and would miss her. Always.

I rolled out of bed that morning hesitantly, as if hung over by shock with the information I had learned the day before. I knew I had to make these last few hours, days, minutes last--have them etched into my head as if enscrolled into a scribe, unable to be forgotten. Make the best of a horrible situation that I couldn't do anything about. In all of fifteen minutes, I had showered, eatin and choked on a nasty granola bar and seated myself in that back of my mother's white 2006 Escalade beside Sloane.

I still don't know how the three year old bombshell will handle the news of her mothers passing. She was so young and fresh...so new and had so much to explore openily. She adored on her mother--doted on her everyday for help tying her shoes or checking her teeth to make sure she had brushed them well enough. She let no one else do that kind of stuff besides her mother. It was thier bond--thier forever hold on each other, that would last when they were apart until they joined again.

The ride to the hospital was painfully quiet--the silence over-powered us all except for Sloane who bounced giddily next to me, chattering about her mother and how we were only minutes from seeing her. Lying on an old, used hospital bed.

Her death bed.

The thought sent a harsh jolt through me. It had been taunting me since yesterday afternoon...how would I ever live without hearing my sister's musical laugh whenever I was around her. How had I lasted two years without speaking to her? How would I last the rest of my life? These kind of thoughts trailed behind me like a love sick puppy who couldn't catch a hint.

When we finally made it through the steel doors that blocked us all from her, we all started filtering in and out. Sloane first then my mother. I sat patiently, watching as the television replayed the mornings news. Then, I see Jude's head pop up, her cheeks tearstained as she stood in the middle of the road. SO they had gotten photographs of that night. I swear I felt my heart stop right there in mid pump as I watched her watch me drive off to come here. I started reading the captions as the beautiful Katie told me what was happening in the picture.

"...it seems our pop princess has had her young heart broken for the first time, by her producer and ex-boy-bander, Tom Quincy. He sped off a few weeks ago, leaving her to make a fool of herself in the middle of the road. The locals were terrified when they saw her banging on his windows, begging him not to leave. It seems he ignored her requests, and migrated down here into the good United States for awhile. It's taken her since the incident to recover...her first new single should be out soon. You Found Me. Hmm. Anyways, Miss Harrison's 18th birthday is coming up next month as well. Lets all wish her the best, and for all the girls out there who know what it feels like to have your heart broken, let's make sure she know exactly how much we feel for her. I know I already have. We chatted long and hard about the woes of a first love. Of course, she didn't name any names, but we all have known for about a year and a half now that she and Tom had feelings for each other. So good luck Jude, and you can always call me Sweetie. Here's To you. Bob." I watched in amazement as the screen filpped over to Bob as he told about the morning weather. Katie Couric knew? About me and Jude? What is the world coming to?

"Tom!" I heard my mother call out as she exited the room where Shelbey lay. My heart jumped once more, scared that my mother was coming to tell me some awful news. She walked over to me with glassy eyes and layed a hand on my arm. She gave me a sympathetic smile as I awaited dreadful news.

"It's your turn to see her. And she's asking about you." she said as I slowly raised myself out of the leather waiting chair and started and to make my way towards her room.

Once again, she looked fragile, broken. I knew in the pit of me that this was it for her. Her suffering would be over in less than 24 hours. It burned its way through my head like a lizard, creeping in a way that makes your skin crawl. Her eyes were closed and you could see every blue vein that ran across her green orbs of light. I knoced on the small marble table beside the door to be careful not to scare her. I didnt want to upset her in anyway. Her eyes flickered open as the corners of her mouth raised on both ends, sending me a small smile. Even dying, she was still my beautiful little sister. Unluckily, the television mounted on the wall across from her bed was on the same channel I had been watching only minutes before. The volume was on a lower volume, but it was still loud enough to hear.

"You watched?"I asked, knowing that if she had so did Mom. And my mother was not the slow type...she would fit the puzzle pieces together faster than I could. Then she would start asking about a wedding. I saw Shelb's head bob up and down in a nodding movement. SHe smiled at me then and patted a small place next to her on the bed.

"Tom...you had told me that you left her there. You never told me she had looked like that, so heartbroken and desperate. She would have given anything for you to stay with her. She's beautiful. And completely, totallyin love with you." she told me as hope swam through my veins for the first time in a long time. I had known it for a long time. But no one had ever told me before in those words.

"You think?"I asked her watching as my sisters lips parted and she grinned one of the brightest grins I had ever seen- despite the circumstances.

"I know. That look on her face as she watched you leave...if she would have been as happy as she was sad then you coulda stuck her in a lamp and use her for a light bulb she would have been glowing so much. It's uncany. She loves you. Definatly." she said with a laugh. I knew she was right. It was like someone had turned the sun on after a long night of no sleep.

"Thank you, Shelbey. Thank you so much." I said as I watched her grin widely at me. Then slowly but surely the grin started to fade as a wave of pain hit her hard in the gut. She squeezed her eyes shut in agony, as the back of her head pressed sharply into the soft, once fluffy pillow. I watched her, knowing I couldn't do anything about it, that I just had to let it pass and let her handle it her own way as if she was in labor or something and having fierce contractions. As the pain subsided, her face relaxed and she smiled at me again, tears shining in her eyes as she struggled not to let them fall.

"Tom. I want you to have something." She said, as soon as she had finally regained the ability to talk again. She reached into the little drawer that was in the bedside table beside the bed. She pulled out a white envolope that wasn't stuffed but was puffed up enough that you knew something was inside. My insides tensed up at the thoughts of all that was in there.

"Shelbs. What..."I said suggestively, holding my hands out waiting for the envolope. Curiousity is the worst. She laughed at me and held the envelope as far away as possible, as if in a game of Cat and Mouse.

"Tom. I'm not as stupid and blonde as some of the guys I went to high school with once thought I was. I know that this is the end--that after this I have another life waiting for me with Him. And so I've been smart. In here,"she held up the envelope and waved it in front of my face, moving it away right before my hands grabbed it."-is something that is very important to me and to Sloane. My will. I've left everything up to someone and told what I want to be done with my body after I pass. Then there's Sloane." We both looked thoughtfully out of the window at the little girl who was sitting in mom's lap pointing at something in a magazine."She's beautiful isn't she? After I'm gone...after I'm gone, I want you to care for her. Mom and Dad are getting older and they don't have time to care for a three year old. I know she will be trouble at first Tom, but I can see the way you look at her already. You're beginning to love her. Jude will help. She seems like a wonderful girl...and she loves you so. I can tell." she said again, looking at her older brother with an adoring smile and a thankful gaze.

"Shelbs." I said, overwhelmed already. She left me Sloane. Me, who for the first time at 23 is in love. ME. I couldn't say no to her though. Not now, not ever. She crooked a finger towards me and the look on her face told me she was in pain again.

"Tell her...how you...feel..."she whispered, as she put the envelope into my right hand, squeezing it gently. As I went to disagree I watched as she shut her eyes and her face relaxed. This time, it was a chilling, final still, unlike I had never seen before. I had time to think that one thought, before I heard an awful sound.

The machine that controlled all the wires attached to her made an awful beeping sound, never pausing, never hesitating.

-No One's POV-

Doctors ran in and out of the room hurridly, tring to revive the beautiful 21 year old. She had gone completely pale and was just lying there as if she was through the tough part. And she was. After 10 minutes of unresponsive attempts the doctor looked at his watch and read off the time.

"Time of Death, 2:36. She's gone." he said, his face pitiing the family of this young beauty, for thier loss. If you were paying close enough attention, you saw in the background, behind all the doctors and plugs a tiny toddler looking scared and holding onto the leg of a handsome young man who's tears were pouring down his cheeks, and who's eyes were bloodshot.

This man is standing there, leaned against the door frame, his left hand in his pocket the other holding on tightly to a white envelope, and a look of total confusion and disbelief at what was happening to his baby sister displayed on his features. It broke your heart to look at him and the child--the looks they played with hurt you. Made you feel something like they were feeling. You're heart goes out to them--forgives them for everything if anything you had against them.

They watched quietly as thier beloved family member had the wires taken off of her and she was laying there with both hands folded neatly into her lap as if preparing for somethig as simple as a walk down to the park. Maybe that's the way it feels when you're on your way to heaven--as if you're strolling down a paved side walk to the gates of heaven and the enterance to something greater then we had ever experienced in this lifetime. The man at the door way was watching them-the doctors- as if he was waiting on them to do some extroadinary trick that would bring his sister back to him.

"Uncle Tommy?" the small child asked in a shaky voice, as she looked up at him with glassy eyes. "Those men just unplugged Mommy. She won't like that when she wakes up! Not at all."The man looked down at the girl then, trying to conceal his feelings but failing terribly. His face crumpled in agony as he took the little girl's hand into his and they left, hand in hand, to go face the rest of thier family.

Tom's POV:

The funeral was goin to be today. Shelbey's passing had occured three days ago and ever since then Sloane had been inconsolable--hysterical beyond normal. Seeing her mother pass like that had torn her up inside...hurt her so badly. It had killed me as well to watch them un plug her from those machines--the machines that had been keeping her alive. The funeral was supposed to in an hour but I wasn't sure if I was goin to be able to make it that long without breaking down in front of everyone--in front of Sloane.

I was sitting on my bed right now, preparing for a long day of sorrow and pain. I noticed the corner of a white envelope poking out from under the pile of clothes that were in my floor. I reached down and grabbed it out from under it, sending a avalanche down into the floor. I looked at it for a second before tearing up at the sight of the handwriting on the front of it. Shelbey's handwriting. I tore open the top and grabbed the first piece of paper out of three. The first was an official looking paper. Her will. I already knew I had the biggest, most important part of the will so I went on to the other pieces of document. The next piece had my name written on the top of it and was just on a sheet of white notebook paper. I unfolded it quickly and started to read.

_**My dear older brother,**_

_**If you're reading this, I'm gone. I don't know if I've been gone for a day, a week, a year. I just don't know. But I do know that you are most likely still grieving over me, everyone is. My darling daughter especially. I hope you have been taking good care of her, watching over her and raising her as I would. I know you are Tom. You are the closest thing to a father she has ever known. And the best she will ever see. I want you to know something, Tommy.Please know that I loved her father deeply. Sloane's father was Kwest. Remember when we dated all those years ago? We were so completely in love...then mom and dad made me come here and leave him there. We had sex right before I had to come back home...and it was my choice. I went to find him to say goodbye and I got so much more. So much more wonderful stuff. I loved Kwest, Tom. I told you all it was just a one night stand to get you off my case...and for you not to hate Kwest. He was always your best friend...and he always will be. Don't let this ruin your friendship. Kwest doesn't even know. He doesn't even know. I wanted you to know so that one day when Sloane is older and more mature and wants to know who her real father is you can tell her. And one day in the near future when your face isnt red with frustration after hearing of the news of your best friend and your sister "gettin it on" together, you will be able to understand. Because I felt for Kwest the way you feel for Jude.**_

_**This girl is the girl God made for you. I never met her. If your reading this, I most likely never met her. But I would have loved her, because you love her. And I need you to do me a favor,Tommy boy. Tell her how you feel right now--or as soon as you can. Because you never know if you'll ever get the chance to again. And love is worth it. Love is always worth it. She seems to be the girl of your dreams and you seem to be her knight in shining armour. Are you gonna keep her waiting? Are you gonna sit back here, moping over me, while the love of you life could be mending her heart and moving on? Trying to forget about you? I don't think so! If you truly love her, you should tell her. But if you don't love her or won't let yourself love her for some unknown reason, don't you dare lead her on. NO girl deserves that. NONE. Oooh I better calm down...the machines aren't gonna like it to much if I get to much madder. Tommy, I wrote you this for you to keep or throw away or put it some where and forget about it being there. I wrote it for you to listen to my words...to take my advice on Jude. Because I will never get to meet her. Because I want you to end up marrying this girl--to be happy for the rest of your life. For me.**_

_**I once read in a book a line that meant a lot to me--touched me to the core with the sweetness of it, even though the words are quite simple. "If it's possible to send a message from heaven, I'll get one to you." If there is anyway in these connected universes, I will get you a message, brother. If you will tell Jude about your feelings for her. In person. It'll all work out Tom. I promise.**_

_**And last of all, when you are old and wrinkly and can't read or write and barely have enough energy to think, still don't forget about me. Keep me in your thoughts forever and ever and make sure everone else does to. My body may not walk around with you anymore, but my soul will play with yours, just as it did twelve years ago, forever. I need to be remembered, if not for who I am, but for what I did. At the end of this letter is my bank account pin number. I want you to take all the money out of my accounts and donate it to cancer societies. For all of those women and men and children who need help fighting cancer--who have a chance at living a bright full life. I trust you to do that for me. So I'm going to end this right now, saying I love you, and wishing you the best in your life. May you be the kind of dad you were as a brother and love to the fullest.**_

_**Oh and you're probably still wondering what the other note is...I can't say, but please don't read it. Send it to the correct address which I'm sure you know by heart. The name on the front of the piece of taped printing paper tells you who it's to. Please don't read it, Nosy. Please. I'll see you one day...and never forget of me. Tell Sloane that her mother will always be there for her.**_

_**I love you, Lil Tommy Q,**_

_**Shelbey**_

****

**_ 9836_**

I wiped the tears from my eyes hurridly trying not to let them fall onto the page. This was to much to handle at one time. I had to find out who the other letter was to though. I grabbed the envelope up from beside me and dug around for the other letter. When I found it, I stared in shock at the name on the front.

_**Jude Harrison**_

_Hey_ everyone! I know it's taken me forever...review me please! I love u all! Can we try_**40** _reviews? This chapters really long...let me know what you think! Love ya'll! Caroline


	6. Beauty in the Breakdown

Chapter 5:  
Beauty In The Breakdown 

It was raining again. The clouds billowed up over my head as I walked to the coffee gallery down the street from G Major. I let out a sigh as I felt water pool around my ankle and seeping into my Vans, obviously stepping in a muddy puddle of water.  
I looked up at the sky as I grumbled a few words of regret.

This was just a typical day. I don't remember a day in the past month when there had been a sunny day, in my heart or outside, or a day where I had woke up smiling. There was always the same repeating damp morning. I had squeezed out another song a couple of weeks before.  
The tune played through my ears as I hummed along.

"You came to me In seemless sleep Slipped right in Behind my eye On the back of my mind We swam a sea Of pretty sights and chandelier skies I swore i could feel you breathe It was all so real to me

The light had slipped through the window The morning ripped you away oh."

Uncaring, I tipped my head back as I sang the last word, moaning at the sharp grip of emotions that had a hold of my heart. The tears started to flow freely as I started the chorus. I fell to my knees as I moved over to the sidewalk.

"Dont wake me up I am still dreaming The storms undone Unravel at the seams Dont wake me up Death is misleading And when i fall sleep Sleep with your ghost

I looked in the dark The room calm and cold And quiet hollow I am such a haunted soul Your ghost has gone to bed Its all cold

The light had slipped through the window The morning ripped you away oh

Dont wake me up I am still dreaming

The storms undone Unravel at the seams

Dont wake me up

Death is misleading

And when i fall sleep

Sleep with a ghost."

I felt my heart crack inside of me all over again. I let out a hiccup-py sob that sounded something like the noise a donkey would make when its choking on a piece of grass, as I started the last verses.

"Oh you were a fire caught in a storm

Memories like ambers keep us warm

You will leave me in the morning me

The light had slipped through the window

The morning ripped you away oh

oh.

oh."

Knowing that I was making a scene, I pulled my broken self together as I wiped my cheeks at a pathetic attempt to clear any signs of tears, that were quite evidently once there. I heard faint clapping echo behind me but didnt bother to look behind me to see if a crowd had gathered behind me at my public display of heart break and dismay.

The next few blocks to G Major were hard--I weezed my way over there like a dying goat. When I finally got to the glass double doors at the front of the building and held on for a moment, trying and failing to regain my composure. I breathed deaply and plunged ahead into another mornings work, and another day's antagonizing boredom.

Like a few weeks before, when Darius came in with the morning mail, he came to me first. He handed me a plain white envelope with no retyrn address, no name saying who it was from. This puzzled me...if it was from Tommy he would have put Tom Quincy up at the top. I tore it open like a child on Christmas morning, my anxiety getting the best of me. There was two sheets of paper in there, one folded up like it had been folded in a hurry and one being careful and purposely folded over three times, as if it held some important secret. I took them both out of the envelope, but chose the neat one first. I unfolded it and curled my legs under me as I layed it out over my lap. The author of the note and printed neatly at the top of the paper;

Dear Jude,

You may not know of me, but believe me sweetie I know of you. How, you may ask? Because my big brother is Tom Quincy. He talks of you all the time.Why, just a little while ago, he told me that he had found the person he was meant for...the only person he had ever been able to imagine a life with. He says we remind him of each other--that we are similiar in more ways that one. I don't find that hard to believe.

From what he's told me, from the way he's described you, you sound like a terrific person Jude. Some of his direct words to me were " It's completely crazy, Shelbs. She's this amazing woman--so young and pure. So much younger than me in more ways than one. It's so wrong yet I've never done a thing that's felt more right than the stuff I do when I'm with her or thinking about her." Sweet, huh? Here's something else he told me... "I'm twenty-three years old and I can't even tell a girl how I feel. I've never felt this way--the overpowering strength I have when I'm around her blows me away. She does something to me, turns my world around with one heated look or a simple touch. And her being off limits just makes me want her even more. This feeling--it amazes and terrifies me out of my mind. I can't help it anymore--can't say this feeling isn't there. The girl gets under my skin and winds me up like a doll. She makes me want to be a better man...for both of our sakes. And she appreciates and understands music the way I do. I've never met someone like this before. It's exhilarating and horrifing at the same time." He's crazy about you, Jude.

Yeah, he told me about a month or two ago when he left you.

But that's a different story. Let me start again by telling you who I am.

My name is Shelbey Quincy. I'm a couple years younger that Tom, but we've always been close. He's my hero. He's accomplished so much in so few years and yet he still strives to be better at almost everything. His choice in women has always bothered me though. Did he ever tell you that I walked in on him right after he had had sex for the first time? It was horrifying. Like seriously, I asked my parents for glasses; I thought I had been blinded. I couldn't see straight for a week, scout's honor. He's always been a playboy...and he was really bad when he was with Portia. I'm sorry, but that poor woman is a grade A skank. I couldn't ever stand her. She was always so perfect on the outside...but the way she presented herself always worked to her disadvantage. I pity her immensely. She never had what I had--never experienced the love of two parents, of an entire family. She was what I call attention starved...always the one you could pick out of the crowd. I nearly strangled Tom when I found out that they had eloped.

But that's a different story.

Now let me tell you, Jude, my little brother has never been one whos real open about his feelings. That's probably why he hasn't told you how he feels yet. But he's told me...and I have never been so touched by simple words than I was when my brother confessed to me his feelings for you. Tears rolled openly down his cheeks as I heard his words. Let me tell you what he told me...

"When I heard what was going on here, I left her without an explanation. We were supposed to go on our first date ever...the first time we wouldn't care what the world thought of us being together. And I ditched her, leaving only a wimpy, and pathetic good bye for my reasoning. I drove off, with her standing in my dust, tears pouring down her cheeks as she stood in the middle of the road after begging me not to go, not to leave her. She was soaked to the bone, with the rain that was falling freely down from the cloudy sky--heartbroken. And then, a month ago, when I was stupid enough to believe I could salvage what we almost had, I sent her a sad excuse for an apoligy letter. I wasn't expecting the letter I got back. She told me she would forgive me...but that it would take a while. I haven't even written her back yet. I can't think of any charming way to get her to not hate me. Hell, right now, I hate myself. God knows, you have your problems and don't need to carry mine around on your shoulders, but yet hear I am, telling you anyways. What kind of man am I?" And as I suppressed a laugh at my sullen older brother I asked him the question that was burning in my mind.

"Oh, Tom. Have you told her how you feel yet, Loverboy?"His response scared me even worse. "Nope. How's that for irony! I'm twenty-three years old and I can't even tell a girl how I feel." I merely frowned down at him. He's always been so hard on himself. But listen to me Jude. My brother thinks he's in over his head. He's scared...he saw what our parent's went through. It hit him the hardest...he had been around longer than the rest of us, and he had lived with them for as long as he could remember. He loved both of them and it killed him to see thier marriage fail so miserably. All he knows is that when he's with you, his smile seems wider and his mood usually changes. When he sees you cry, his heart breaks because from what I've heard, he's usually the cause of it. He doesn't mean any harm...he just wants you to be treated the way you should be--to be loved by someone who is worthy of your love. And that person is him. Yet, his naive little head has never broken its stubborn streak. He's always has this image in his head...this picture perfect idea that he knows deep down will never work out, but still pushes towards it. I admire him for it...but I know that its killing him inside. He needs you now Jude more than ever.

Now comes the scary part, ok? If you are reading this, I am dead. No please, don't freak. I asked Tom to give you this after I was gone. And hopefully, he did do that. Because this is the only time I'm going to be able to tell you something...as heartbreaking as this is, we won't be able to become cest friends or even friends. I won't see you on your wedding day, and I won't be there to witness Tom coming to his senses. But I know it will happen...I really do. Let's just say I'm good like that.

Let me tell you what I told him...I once read in a book a line that meant a lot to me--touched me to the core with the sweetness of it, even though the words are quite simple. "If it's possible to send a message from heaven, I'll get one to you." If there is anyway in these connected universes, I will get you a message. And I will. I believe in miracles and I believe in fate. I believe that God has made you for Tom and Tom for you. I know that you are happiest with him, even if I'v enever met you. All you have to do is not let go of him. He's taking his time and he will regret it once all this is over, but he will never regret loving you. And you will never, ever regret waiting on him. All you have to do is have faith. Believe in my little brother as I believe in you..

So with a few closing words, I wish you the most sincerest happiness in your life. May God let this heartbreak end soon, and you live your life to the fullest. Love is a once in a lifetime thing...true love is. And this, this between you and Tom, is true love. The truest. I will always be with you... please wait on him. Tom worships the ground you walk on...please dont step all over him.

Forever with you,

Shelbey Quincy 3

I am so sorry its taken me so long! My dad finally moved out...and its just been so hard lately. But here's my newest update...hope you enjoy! Can we try 50 reviews? I love you.


	7. Run With the Wild Horses

Chapter 7: Run With the Wild Horses...

Tom's POV:

Love is a burden...one that never lightens or leaves. So many people yearn for that feeling of falling for someone in such a way that they are their everything...in a way that they end up losing themselves for something that never had plans for a happy ending in the first place. For some, maybe that just means that things didn't work out, and they just arent happy anymore. For others, it takes time and then people just realize that what they had worked so hard for wasnt all they thought it would be. And then for some, their love was never ruled out or forgotten...it had no conclusion or ending--good or bad. It just hung there, in the back of thier minds as they tried to push it to the back of thier subtle brains, and trying not to weep over something worthless that keeps resurfacing.

The worst way to feel is regretful. It happens in so many cases that something comes up..someone leaves, someone dies, someone gives up, and in the end, the people who truly matter to you or who should truly matter to you, are gone and theres no turning back...theres no truth telling, no second chance to tell them that they are the one that will always mean everything to you. People make mistakes, and the greatest mistakes are made by those who think they are doing the right thing, or who don't truly realize the reality of what is happening.

As I stood in the park with Sloane, pushing her on the swing set softly and slowly, as tears rolled down the child's cheeks as she whispered a question to no one in particular, just herself. My arms shook as I kept a steady rhythm in pushing her, being careful not to shake her up anymore than she already was. The past couple of weeks following Shelbey's death had been difficult. With no one to turn to, Sloane looked to me for comfort, a little girl seeking comfort in a man who didnt have enough strength to hold his own walls up. I missed Jude even more now, after the death, than I did before if not for the sole reason that I relied on Jude...she was the woman who kept me from crumbling over the everyday woes of my life.

Sending her that letter that Shelbey wrote for her was the most difficult thing I have had to do since watching them unplug all the wires and tubes that had supported my sister through all her pain, had given her time, even if it was only mere hours, mere days. She hasn't sent anyway of communication since I sent it to her...hasn't called or texted me in months. I miss the days when we would text until 3 A.M. and then wake up at 7:00 and talk over a cup of coffee. When I would sit and watch her strum her guitar chords lovingly, and sing in a gentle voice a melody that she never knew would make a hit, just following her heart and listening to what her mind and her heart say, the way they argue over her daily movements and the way the compromise at the end of the day.

I miss the days when I could hold her as we both broke down, laying the world's burdens and secrets down on the others shoulders, freeing the other of any pain held in the cold cold hearts, that we all betray and that beats inside of us. Each heart holds its own secrets, its own burdens. Some more than others, and some attempt to heal deeper scars than others. Each heart is its own ocean..some drown and others come out a stronger person in the end from thier trials and tribulations.

But there is always those days that you just feel like letting it go. Today, as the leaves swirl around Sloane and I, I felt like just saying to hell with it all. I looked down at the auburn curls of the abandoned child in front of me, as my pushing stopped at a slow pace until we both came to a complete stop. My heart went to her, as tears steadily rolled down her cheeks still, and as she turned around to look at me, as her hazel eyes, were red and swollen. The question she had been murmuring to herself was asked out loud to me, a man who needed more answers than he could supply.

"Uncle Tommy, why did God choose Mommy of all people to leave?" And as I knelt down to wrap my arms around the little girl, I felt all resolve I had in me to forget about my pain for just today, crumble miserably.

Jude's POV:

I wondered what it would be like to be something that could run or fly so fast that it all disolved beneath you, to be able to forget about anything and just go. To be able to be free...to have the whole world be surpassed if only for a few moments. In my head played a Natasha Bedingfield song that I had heard in the taxi on the way here. It went something like this...

"I feel these 4 walls closing in

My face up against the glass

I'm looking out... hmm

Is this my life I'm wondering

It happened so fast

How do I turn this thing around

Is this the bed I chose to make

Its greener pastures i'm thinking about hmm

Wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair

To face the fear but, not feel scared

Wild horses I wanna be like you

Throwing caution to the wind I'll run free too

Wish I could recklessly love, like I'm longing too

Run with the wild horses, run with the wild horses!

Ohh yeaaa yea

I see the girl I wanna be

Riding bare back, care free along the shore

If only that someone was me

Jumping head first headlong without a thought

To act and damn the consequence

I wish it could be that easy

But fear surrounds me like a fence

I wanna break free...

Oh, I wanna run with the wild horses."

As I walked in the shuffling leave piles, kicking my way to the spot they had sent me, I wondered what I was doing here again...why I was chasing something that had been against me in the first place. I tried composing myself and I tried to let my heart heal itself, but I learned that that is the most uneffective way anyone to get over anything that meant something to them.

A pair of lovers walked past me, holding hands and gazing lovingly at the lake to our rights, as the sun set and the day came to an end. Benches, picninc tables, and the playground were less than a hundred feet in front of me and as the sun hit my face, and turned my complexion an orange color, a man came into view.

He was holding a small child's hand in his and was standing up, the tears glistening on his cheeks, and the sun illuminating his blue eyes. His eyes widened with embarrasment and his body stiffened in joy and surprise, as his eyes layed sight on me, the one he had left so long ago. My heart swelled, as I dropped my phone and my purse, as the pain of the past 6 months crushed me. At the same time, our feet paced toward each other, hesitant at first then despratly, and in a matter of 15 seconds, he was gripping me tightly, and I was thanking God that he hadn't let me give up, as I whispered in this heavenly man's ear the name that had repeatedly been on my tongue, and my eyes adjusted to seeing someone who they had gone dry from not seeing.

"Tommy..you have no idea how much I have missed you."

-123-

So, here it is..I didnt really know how this story was going to go, how this chapter was going to be written. The plan when I sat down at my computer a while ago, never started out as "Hey, I'm gonna write another chapter for You and I!" It was unexpected..and I'm glad I thought to do it. This chapter was written for the people who have been or are in love with the idea of love, and aren't particularly happy with men at this point of time. The boy I love...he doesn't love me back. And I wonder, is unrequited love really love? Who knows, really? This chapter was for those of you who are as confused as I am. I would love reviews, but I understand if you dont want to give any, because this chapter was more of a thought process for me...and I wanna say right now. If anyone needs to talk to someone about anything, you can talk to me. You dont have to tell me your name, and you dont have to tell me anything if you dont want to, but I will talk to anyone who needs a friend, someone they can lay thier secrets on, and take a burden off thier shoulders. Just send me a message if you want to. I would love to help anyone I can...talking with someone helps, especially when you dont really know them...you dont have to worry about them judging you. I love you guys...thanks for everything. Caroline


End file.
